Wine manners exist not to enhance the tasting experience but out of consideration for those seated with you. There is rarely an occasion to display one's knowledge; what is required is conduct that maintains the harmony of the gathering. Here I explain the proper way to hold a glass, the etiquette when being served, thoughts on refilling, and how to decline when one cannot drink, drawing from the practices we butlers employ in service.
Where Should One Hold the Glass?
I hold the stem lightly between thumb, index finger and middle finger. Enveloping the bowl may be seen in some overseas settings, yet from the standpoint of temperature control the stem remains the more sensible choice.
When the glass stays on the table while being filled, I do not place a hand on it. Lifting it to receive is the custom at Japanese drinking gatherings; with wine the glass remains in place.
What to Do When Being Served?
The person pouring judges the quantity by eye. Lifting the glass makes accurate measurement difficult and may cause spillage. Remaining still and quiet is the most helpful course for the server.
Once the pour is complete, a slight nod or a quiet word of thanks is sufficient. There is no call for a loud voice.
Thoughts on Refilling
Topping up before the glass empties keeps an appropriate amount always present. Waiting until it is empty can give the impression that one is urging the guest to finish.
When I am the one pouring, the same rule applies. As a guest's glass diminishes I refill quietly without interrupting the conversation. Asking for confirmation only breaks the flow.
How to Decline When One Cannot Drink
An overly dramatic refusal only causes the host unnecessary concern. A simple covering motion or the brief remark “I am abstaining this evening” suffices. After declining, the glass may remain on the table.
Many guests cannot drink for reasons of health or personal circumstance. Once refused, a considerate host does not press further. This too forms part of good manners.
Toasts and Tasting
Delicate glasses may chip if struck together. Raising them to eye level and meeting the gaze of others constitutes a proper toast. Silence is more natural in a formal setting.
Tasting is not an occasion to judge quality but to confirm there is no fault. The host performs it and signals with a nod if all is well. The rest of the party waits quietly.
How Much Knowledge Is Required?
Knowledge of regions and grape varieties is useful when selecting wines, yet it need not be displayed at table. When less knowledgeable guests are present, such talk only makes the gathering stiff.
What I value most in service is not knowledge but deportment: pour quietly, maintain the proper amount, and withdraw when refused. These three points are quite sufficient.
Frequently Asked Questions
Where should one hold a wine glass?
The stem is the proper place to hold it. Grasping the bowl allows the heat from one's hand to transfer, altering the temperature.
Should the glass be lifted when being served?
I leave the glass where it stands and wait without touching it. Lifting it makes it harder for the server to judge the quantity.
Is wine poured only when the glass is empty?
With wine it is usual to top up before the glass is empty. Waiting until it is drained can give the impression that one is urging the guest to finish.
How should one decline when unable to drink?
A light gesture of the hand over the rim of the glass is enough. There is no need to offer an explanation; once refused, a considerate host does not press further.
Related Pages
Etiquette at the Wine Table
I offer courses in the manners appropriate to business and social dinners.
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